Frustration Towards the Education System

I’ve been in education for what literally feels like a lifetime. I mean, considering I’m almost 21 and I’ve been in the education system since I was 4 with no gap year, that pretty much is the bulk of my life so far.
I chose to go to university to study English and to continue learning. I’m glad I did. School was too rigid for me, I didn’t feel like I could be myself. I didn’t see the point in learning about subjects I didn’t enjoy. I was socially awkward and never had a lot of friends. So uni was a great step for me, in terms of confidence, and to develop and enhance my skills in hope of a brighter future.

Uni has been great, and I love my course. But something that hasn’t and probably never will go away is my anger towards the way creative subjects like art and English are taught in an educational environment. It’s so narrow, so strict, so against what English should be.  I hate how subjective it is. The problem is that there are always so many ways of perceiving someone else’s words and views, that it isn’t uncommon for your work to be overlooked or seen than less than it is. Sometimes, maybe the work just isn’t good. Maybe at other times, it just isn’t in accordance with what your teacher thinks. And it’s very difficult for academics, people who have been in the field for years, not to consider essays by thinking what they themselves would have argued instead. All in all it’s great for personal development, you learn so much about yourself and your opinions but sometimes no matter how well you think you have expressed them, it isn’t always seen as ‘right’. I feel like I don’t always know my strengths from my weaknesses.

I made another post about how my passion for art died at school. It just makes me sad because it is demoralising feeling like you’re inadequate at something you’re passionate about.

I will always love writing and despite my confidence being knocked I just hope that I can improve in the future. I think eventually leaving education will be a relief  …because I won’t have to tailor my writing style to accommodate others, and I can finally be a bit more free.


Too Scared to Commit

I have been trying for a while to get into WordPress and to finally start writing. I have erratically tried to commit myself to it, but I think the main thing stopping me is fear.

You know when you want something so badly, you’re too scared to even try in case you fail? In my head I’ve always been a writer, but I think part of me is so scared to consistently and actively commit myself to writing in case I find out I’m actually awful and always have been, and this whole writer persona has just been a delusion.

I just wanted to say how motivated I feel to start using this website more, and all because of how unbelievably supportive and kind everyone on here is! I’ve never known an online platform that is so welcoming, despite how bare my page is at the moment. So to anyone who has followed/commented on my posts in these early days I just want you to know how much I appreciate it, and I will hopefully be interacting with you guys a lot more from now on!